A story about a demure reader,writer & baker. Went to science school, and then law school and now stuck in business school.

Sober

One moment, take a deep breath.

Right or wrong. Still, make a decision.

Let me tell you a story. I am 20 years old. At age of 18, I failed to set foot into medical school so I entered into pre-law school but  failed to get into law school at age of 19.  I was a bright student during my secondary school but I failed a lot, yeah I meant a lot after that. My Cgpas turn out to be really really bastard. I was so cast down. Education was really a major thing for me. After that, I started to be more positive and turn to God, and step into business school with opened heart and mind. And now, I succeeded. I know I have two more years to grad but I proudly to say I am good. I never felt good as this during my law school. I am happy. This is what God planned for me and I am thankful. I once had an accident during my first year and I applied to extend my semester and a lecturer said "Don't. You are an A student. You can do it." But that semester did not go well as I failed to strive for dean list. Nah. I am okay with that. God plan your future, not your pointer.

What I am trying to say is, bad things always happen. And that will make you cherish good things. If you always look at the bad sides, you will miss the good sides and prone to let negative things possess you.

The point is, be positive. Teach you, to love yourselves, Don't let anything break you, no matter how hard it gets. Life is full of setbacks and rejection. You will fail at times. No matter what, be strong and never give up.

The best things in life are for people who fight, believe, wait and never let go.

And she ll be gone

Will it matter to you what road will take you
Till it lead you astray
Will it matter to you if she is fading
Till you feel awry

At eleventh hour, she decided to stop & go
Before she disappeared at the last strocks of midnight
Then, she will be gone.

Some tears to shed.

If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain
If you cut me with a knife it's still the same
& I know her heart is beating
& I know I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel
Try & tell me it's not real
For it seems that I still have a tear to shed.

If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun it is all the same
Yet I feel my heart is acheing
It is breaking
& the pain here that I feel
Try & tell me it is not real
Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed.
Good vibes. Ehem.

There is one who you belong to
Whose love-there is no song for
& though you knew it's wrongful
There is someone else you long for.
                                     -Lang leav

Dormant

I'm not well. I'm not used to this feeling. I wondered, why i could be so complicated? My soul kept screaming out to me for mercy. I cant deal with any more right now. I'm at my limits. This feeling was sharper than an ache or blade edged & violent. It feels like a blunt knife thar keeps stabbing my heart. I looked alive, but dead on the inside. So great was this feeling, myself seemed to bleed internally with it. I wasnt sure exactly what i was hurry for. To be out of this, i supposed? Out of pain, out of sadness, out of aching for lost & hopeless loves. I should not have found loneliness so welcoming. But, i am now.

Claustrophobic self

As the night grew deeper, I raged to own battle. Deep down, I was terrified. I felt that I was having a lifetime of pain & sorrow. I was a lone figure. I felt my breathing speed, heard the sound of my heart pumping louder than usual. Sometimes in my life, I just gave up with everything that had. I just don't care anymore.I don't have the courage to stay alive anymore. There comes a point where it all becomes to much. When we get too tired to fight, so we give up. But a heart that keeps beating won't just stop like that. There must be a reason why we should staying strong. Thick heavy raindrops started to pound the uneven dirt floor. Hm, I love rains, yeah I do. That's a pleasure. Now smile :)

tough heart

It's been hard to go through these days. I could feel like sorrow embracing my soul, fidgety keeps blowing my minds, my eyes shed tears, pure sadness filled my heart..
Wait. I'm good. I'm alright. Yeah, quite. A bit stressful actually. But it's okay. Life's tough. Everybody knows that. But.. the hardest was the toughest. The toughest was the most important. Sometimes.. it feels so right to cry. To shed some tears.
Then, I walk into a gloomy room. Cover my body with a blanket. Look through the windows. Look at the blue sky.
"Wake up! The storm's over. The sun's shining. Come on! It's not rough anymore. You'll be alright now."
Yeah, I'm alright. I'm fine. Perhaps.
 

strange sight

Youre wrong but youre right. My heart is beating wildly. Strange. How i'm scared but delighted. Afraid, but excited too. You have a cold heart. Youre reckless and distant. But ill be persistent. I will understand you. Do yo long to be left all alone> Set apart with a heart made of stone. Strange. How your dark doesnt faze me. No, i wont give up on you. If youre caught in the shadow the turn around. Lost in the darkness, you will be found. There s a light that you shine. There s love, i see it in your eyes. All the dark, let it go. Youre not alone.

Just another metaphor

I have puffy eyes, my face sunburned well it's malaysia and it's hot. I have pimples and wrinkles beside my eyes, I once faced an accident that drew a scar on my chin, I have disfigured chin. I do not know whats wrong with my blood but tiny animals love to suck it until become rashes and eventually, scars. I do have a lot of scars. Wounds do heal, but scars stay. My eyelashes are not even beautiful. I'm not thin, neither tall. But I feel good. I'm grateful. Thats all :)

Hunger

Dont you ever thirst of wanting to feel more? I want to feel my blood gushing through my vein. I want to feel my nerve cell ejects its synapse. I want to feel my cells regeneration again. I want to feel how platelets covered my wound and produce scar. I want to feel how my heart pump my blood to all parts of my body. I want to feel my hair and nail grow. I just want to feel more. Thats my sensation of thirst. Do you feel so so amazing with God's creation? SubhanaAllah.